Posted by Lisa Wilson
Well, things have certainly changed since I last updated this blog; I believe it was in sophomore year. I am wrapping up the Fall 2015 semester, and would like to just share a few things I’ve learned.
This semester, I took:
- Junior Field
- Advanced Elementary Spanish
- Introduction to Sociology
- Intergenerational Justice
- Quantitative Research in Social Work
- Human Behavior and the Social Environment
I love most of my classes. I have learned a lot this semester. But I have also come to understand a lot about the world surrounding me, and that people don’t and won’t always live up to my exceedingly high expectations of them. This is a good and a bad thing. For one, I have this new understanding of people, and as I am going into a “people field,” this will help inform me on my journey. On the other hand, I find myself changing in ways I swore I wouldn’t. I realize that I now expect less of people. This saddens me, because my sense of empathy and care for others (even complete strangers) is a personal value that I hold of the utmost importance. I swore I wouldn’t change this, and yet I am finding that more and more often I need to make a conscious choice between caring for others and caring for myself.
Through counseling, meditation, and internal reflection, I have also learned about myself and my response to external forces in my life. I am beginning to understand the role procrastination (ugh) has played in my education and academic performance, and the best ways to combat that. I’m procrastinating many things by writing this right now, but I realize that if I don’t express my feelings in some way that I will lose focus later on, and in turn, lose my ability to perform as well as I can. Prior to this year, I didn’t understand the “why” behind my procrastination and saw it as a personal fault. Now, I can celebrate that I’m a creative being with so many ideas and thoughts in my brain. I no longer have an intense desire to do destructive things (I’ll leave it at that). I have realized how much I offer to the world, and how much of an impact I can have on others.
This semester has been the hardest semester. I’m 5/8 through my undergraduate degree and now that we have all been formally admitted into the Social Work program, we’re getting smacked in the face with theory and data analysis. Like I said before, I’m learning so much. I’m watching my friends grow and blossom into super-human world-changers and I’m making lifelong friendships that I value even now.
I can respect myself for my feelings and my intentions, and I love that! I know that if I want to do something, it’s for a good reason. Maybe this is what’s it’s like to be an adult? Many people my age believe that being an adult means independence, but I think it means being able to admit to yourself that you don’t know everything and that your friends and family are there to support you on your journey of not-knowing.
I have enjoyed the process of learning to love myself first. It’s pretty awesome, I highly recommend it to everyone! I surround myself with things and people that I love, and I have been taking time to myself to plan for my future. This can be scary. But I have always had thoughts floating around about what I want in my life, but I haven’t been able to decide because I (like everyone) am a multifaceted being. I am not just one thing. I am many great things, and to truly be happy I need to honor all parts of my being.
One of my regrets so far is that I haven’t been regularly updating here. I planned this space to be a log of my time in college so I would remember as much as possible. I have a terrible memory. So far, it hasn’t happened, and that’s a goal I will have in the coming months.